Friday, October 28, 2011

#02 Dear daddy.

It's been awhile since we last had dinner as a (complete) family. It was brief, the dinner was simple but to have dinner with you, just you.. It meant the whole world to me. I wouldn't change with for anything in the world, pa.

We don't exactly have the perfect father-daughter relationship. We don't call each other every day, even weeks sometimes. We rarely see each other.

For the past years, our relationship hasn't been easy... We rarely see eye to eye and arguments happen way to easy between the two of us but that doesn't change the amount that I love you, pa. I may not say this often but no matter how far we both are from each other, I love you a great deal.

During dinner, I know you were staring at me. Your eyes filled with regrets; I can see how much you regret not being there during 90% of my childhood. You know dad, I wanted to be one of those kids who had their father to talk to the guy that his daughter is seeing.. The father who creeps the guy that his daughter is seeing.. Make stupid comments and gives creepy smile. The father who taught his babygirl how to ride a bike and how to beat up boys. I never actually had those memories with you. It was all with mama..

I would love to believe that you were there throughout the nineteen years of my life but both you and I know that whatever I want to believe in is a lie. I envy those kids who have their dads to comfort them whenever they have their hearts broken, or the ones who have their dads to back you up when you got into a pile of mess. I didn’t have any of those, dad but it’s alright.. Whenever I sleep at night, I’d picture you as this superhero I never had.

Despite of all that, my love for you can't be measured, pa. Every day, I miss you. Every single moment, I'm always proud of you. I know I don't say this often but you are more than enough. I just wish I could say this to you but I can't. I love you, pa.

and I forgive for all the years that you weren't there for me.

And I hope, you'd forgive me too for being an absent-daughter.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

#01 This is temporary.

I do not know how many times I have gone through this; jumping from one blog to another. Deleting one blog, creating another one later. It actually acts as my very own tranquilizer when all else fails.

This is for the people who have been strong for too long,
This is for the people that sleep late at night, waiting for the text that never came,
This is for the people who think that bottling up is much better than speaking out,
This is for the people who feel so alone at night,
This is for the people have lost so much and never gain enough,
This is for the people who think they are weak when in reality, they are stronger than they think,

This is for the lost souls.